🌈 Co-Parent with Pride: Building Affirming, Loving Homes for LGBTQ+ Families

Every June, rainbow flags line the streets, hashtags celebrate visibility, and families of every kind come together to recognize Pride Month. But while the world grows more accepting, families navigating co-parenting after separation—especially in LGBTQ+ contexts—still face unique challenges the court system doesn't always anticipate.

Whether you’re a same-sex couple co-parenting after divorce, a transgender parent trying to preserve your place in your child’s life, or a parent supporting a child exploring their identity, Pride Month is an opportunity not just to celebrate—but to grow.

At Harwich Brickey, LLC, we represent and advocate for all kinds of families. And we know this truth: affirmation is protection—emotionally, developmentally, and even legally.

💬 When Identity Enters the Parenting Equation

Co-parenting is rarely easy. But when LGBTQ+ identity becomes part of the family structure—whether through a parent’s orientation, gender identity, or a child’s—the stakes feel even higher. Often, it’s not a matter of outright hostility, but of misunderstanding, discomfort, or fear.

Here are just a few scenarios we often see:

• A mother comes out as lesbian after years of marriage and her ex-spouse begins to question her “influence” on their child.

• A trans parent who transitioned post-divorce finds themselves excluded from decision-making or not receiving ordered parenting time, accused of being “confusing” to the child.

• A teen comes out as nonbinary and one parent refuses to use their pronouns, undermining the other parent’s attempts to create an affirming space.

• A parent is anxious that their LGBTQ+ child’s well-being could be jeopardized during summer parenting time in a less accepting household.

These aren’t just emotional struggles—they’re legal ones, too. Because at the heart of every custody arrangement is one guiding question: what serves the best interests of the child?

👪 Understanding LGBTQ+ Family Dynamics

To support an LGBTQ+ child—or to co-parent with an LGBTQ+ ex—you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present, open, and willing to learn. Here’s what that can look like:

1. Affirm, Don’t Just Accept

Acceptance is passive. Affirmation is active. Use your child’s chosen name and pronouns. Advocate for their right to feel safe at school. Respect their need for privacy, self-expression, and exploration.

2. Validate Your Child’s Experience

LGBTQ+ youth are statistically more likely to face anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation—not because of their identity, but because of rejection and invalidation. Listening without trying to fix or dismiss is one of the most powerful gifts a parent can give.

3. Don’t Use Identity as Leverage

We’ve seen it too often: one parent argues that a child’s new identity is a phase, or that the other parent is “encouraging confusion.” These tactics often mask deeper control issues and can cause irreparable harm to the child’s trust, confidence, and sense of security.

4. Respect Your LGBTQ+ Co-Parent

If your former partner identifies as LGBTQ+, their identity does not diminish their parenting capacity. What matters is their presence, commitment, and the support they offer your child. Challenging their identity in court—or at the dinner table—will likely do more harm to your child than good.

⚖️ When the Legal System Gets Involved

Ideally, co-parents work through these complexities collaboratively. But when they don’t, court involvement becomes necessary—especially if one parent’s actions endanger a child’s emotional well-being.

Colorado law (C.R.S. § 14-10-124) requires courts to allocate parenting time based on the best interests of the child. Factors like each parent’s ability to meet emotional and developmental needs, foster meaningful relationships, and put the child’s needs first all come into play.

If a parent consistently invalidates the child’s identity, or obstructs access to affirming care, counseling, or supportive environments, these may rise to the level of endangerment or significant impairment—and can justify a modification of parenting time.

Courts may also modify decision-making if two parents fundamentally disagree about major issues, such as:

• Gender-affirming healthcare

• Name and gender marker changes

• Mental health support

• Educational environment or placement

🌱 Tips for Affirming Co-Parenting in LGBTQ+ Families

Whether you’re just beginning to navigate these waters or years into co-parenting, here are actionable ways to foster a more inclusive, affirming, and functional family dynamic:

✅ For Parents of LGBTQ+ Children

• Educate yourself—don’t rely on your child to teach you everything.

• Avoid “correcting” or policing identity exploration. It’s okay if it evolves.

• Create safe spaces at both homes where your child feels free to be themselves.

• Use resources like PFLAG, The Trevor Project, or local LGBTQ+ centers for support.

• Model co-parenting by affirming your child’s identity even when your co-parent does not.

✅ For LGBTQ+ Co-Parents

• Document your involvement and your efforts to support your child’s well-being.

• Anticipate bias—even unconscious—and build a record of consistency, stability, and emotional connection.

• Build a strong support network—legal, emotional, and community-based.

• Don’t be afraid to seek court intervention if your parental rights are being unfairly challenged or your child is at risk.

✅ For All Co-Parents

• Remember your child’s needs come first—not your discomfort, your ex’s beliefs, or what you “wish” were true.

• Use professional support, like co-parenting therapists or mediators, to bridge communication gaps.

• Avoid involving the child in adult conflict, especially regarding identity issues.

• Celebrate small wins—like a name change, a new pronoun, or even an affirming therapist.

🌈 Final Thoughts: Love is the Foundation

Pride Month reminds us that families are built on love—not just biology, not just tradition, and certainly not “perfection”. In LGBTQ+ families, love often looks like advocacy, bravery, and deep listening. Co-parenting in this space may be unfamiliar, even scary. But with intention and support, it can also be transformative.

If you’re an LGBTQ+ parent facing custody issues—or a parent trying to support your LGBTQ+ child while navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship—we’re here to help.

You don’t have to choose between protecting your child and avoiding conflict. You can co-parent with pride—and we’ll stand beside you while you do.